“Aaah! I want to scream” she said loudly to the wall, “I want to fucking scream”. Swinging round she threw herself onto her bed, it had been a stressful day and she needed a break, she wanted to break something but instead she cried. She didn’t know why but to her that’s how she let off steam, by crying. All the pent up anger and frustration came out in one burst, showering her lap in tears. After about an hour the tears had gone dry, she felt numb, like there was nothing inside, nothing that she could feel. She ached to be held, to have someone tell her it was alright, to say ‘Don’t worry, its ok everything is okay’ but there was no such person, because they did not exist. No one ever saw her cry, not one. She called it a sign of weakness, she was the strong one and as such she did not show weak emotions such as tears or fear. She would not and could not do that.
The house was empty when she left her safe haven, rooms left lifeless and silent. There was nothing to do, nothing left to say. She had told everyone around her to go, she didn’t need them; they didn’t want her either. She was just a lonely woman, with a tear stained face in the dark.
20/4/2008
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