Samhain 2010

It is the time of year when we remember

Remember the fallen

People we have loved and lost

Those who have moved on to the light

The peaceful

 

The owl is my reminder of those loved and lost

He flies at twilight between day and night

The living and the dead

 

It does not scare me all this

I do not fear my loved ones coming back to visit

Coming back to stroke my hair when I can’t sleep

Showing that they still love through the veil

 

I carry the memories with me

Concorde, teaching me to use a camera,

The fish pond, peeling the vegetables in the living room for dinner

The strength and love I will carry for all my life

My Guiding Life

I belong to an organisation that empowers young women
I help to teach young women skills to become a strong person in society
To volunteer my time
The rewards are immense.

I’ve been a Brownie
The trips out, brownie rambles
Winning the Rosebowl was a lot of fun
I remember flying up Guides, a happy and sad day

I enjoyed Guides
I loved the camping, sleeping under canvas. Marshmallows!
Completing the Aircraft badge, second person in my packs history
I met my best friend at guides and we are still friends

Adult leader qualification was daunting at first
Completing it felt fantastic
But making my young leader promise
Is one of my treasured memories

I’m currently a Girl Guiding Assistant Brownie Guider
Funnily enough at the same pack where I was a brownie my self
I’ve been told it’s respectful
Thing is I don’t think I could have gone anywhere else

Girl Guiding is 100 years old this year
It make me feel proud to be part of it
I’ve been a brownie for nearly 19 years
And still live by the Brownie Motto

“A Brownie thinks of others before herself and does a good turn every day”

A trip back in time

A trip back in time

We arrive at around 9.30 and join the queue to gain entrance to the grounds, a strange welcoming emits from the buildings; drawing you in and making you feel safe. We park; unload what we need and head for the stalls and breakfast. Monuments on either side stand proudly; testaments to their legends, to one side are small aircraft, all lined up; each one shining clearly in the morning sun. It still astounds me each time I visit the amazing sense of time this place have, no matter what year it may be, it will never loose that wartime feeling; I must say Glen Miller does help matters. I look at the row of planes and this is what I see.

There are groups of planes on the ground, mechanics are working at their respective planes, the pilots are sitting by the huts; waiting, waiting for that siren, the siren that will once again take them up into the skies. Some are playing cards or reading, others writing that letter home, they have been meaning to do for a while, some are just sleeping. There is silence, accept that of the wind through the trees, or the sounds of footsteps of the airfield personnel. The phone rings, ears and eyes turn to the hut. “SCRAMBLE SCRAMBLE, SCRAMBLE” the captain shouts, the pilots run to their planes, the sound of silence is broken by the claxon screams and the roar of a squadron of Rolls Royce Merlin engines. Orders are being screamed from plane to plane; the hood goes down; and they’re off. The control tower becomes a hive of activity, information is passed from all corners of the airfield, the airspeed climbs as they leave the runway; in this moment both aircraft and pilot merge into one. It has always been said that flying a Spitfire was an easy job. After numerous bullets are used and dog fighting skills put to the test, the weary planes and pilots return back to the silence of RAF Duxford.

And then it’s gone and the modern day returns around me, the hustle and bustle of an airshow day. ‘Moonlight Serenade’ is playing over the speaker system; I know that 1940 can’t be too far away.

Vampire or Werewolf?

Vampire, Werewolf.
It’s not scary anymore
Not now the vampires have found the glitter.
It’s an obsession for some believe they are real
Leaving a window open for the undead dream
To sweep them off their feet.
But who would want to sleep with a cold marble man?

The Werewolf is a strange beast,
As old as its cold foe.
Even this has become soft, a children’s toy as it were.
Gone is the swipe or cut
For the dreaded curse to take effect.
A piercing howl no longer frightens me

The lure is there
No matter how hard I try to ignore.
The dream of perfection blended with a supernatural beau.
As for me … I’d be a wolf.

22/7/2010

My Amas Veritas

My Amas Veritas

He should be able to make me laugh
When all I want to do is cry.
Indulge my love of penguins
And of Johnny Depp
Let me rant and moan about my troubles and strife,
Then hold my hand as I work them through.
Tell me to be quiet when, I start to ramble.
Share the dream of the future; the round house
In all its glory.
To love dancing in the rain, even better if it’s a storm.
Make perfect pancakes, and own a VW Campervan (1967)
Tell me I’m beautiful but not too often.
Promise me forever.

21/7/2010

2 halves

Days and nights
two aides of mother earth
as human as me

I am torn in two
I am fluid and relaxed
yet I change
Stubborn and angry

90 years ago

90 years have passed but the world has not learnt the lesson.
With so many years of war and strife
Tears and heart ache,
The years of death.

Seeing the last veterans today
I felt pride
Like I’ve never felt before
Those men are heroes
They deserve a deep respect from people all around the world
I know for one they have my deep thanks,
But nothing covers the debt.

I wonder when current world events end
Will the men and women get the same respect?
With all my heart I hope they do.

12/11/2009

Do you ever talk to the stars?
Send wishes to distant galaxies
Do you ever hope that the moon can hear your thoughts?
To take that dream you carry in your heart
And make it come true.

Do you wish that the one for you
Knows that you are sleepless this night
Can hear your hearts desire
And can feel the pain of loneliness you carry
Do you…

Do you hope that the one for you
Would tell you they love you
Show you that they care
And promise they will love you forever
Do you…

Do you dream of this person?
Wishing, hoping, yearning
They will come into your life
And take you away from the despair
Do you…

April 2008

Its my time

Its my time
I have started to grow again
I refuse to be a lapdog
I am not to be used or ignored
I have my friends and my family
I don’t know where I’m going
To be honest, I don’t care

Coming out of a month of uncertainty
Time feels like it is now moving again
I can feel myself release the old life
Saying goodbye to that part of myself
I like this feeling of peace

The tears have stopped
Loneliness is still there but I think it always will
Feeling free in myself
Something I wouldn’t trade with anyone

My life has begun again

June 2010

Endless white stones

The endless rows of white stones

Towering lists of names carved into time

A central memorial

Looks out over green fields

A blank stone with 4 lonely words

‘Known only unto god’

A family without closure

A soul with no name

It’s hard to think that the battlefields of France and Belgium

Are now lush farmland

The horrors of war

Merely ploughed away

I have never seen these sights

It would break my heart to do so

Just hearing the tales that come from the trenches

Makes my blood run cold

You 1+2

You 1

When I think of you I feel no hatred or anger,

When I think of you I see no future

Only a long past

When I think of you I know I done what I had to

What was necessary for me.

When I think of you I can’t get mad

It’s not something I’m proud about.

I don’t like to cause pain

When I think of you I feel nothing

A numbness filling my soul

You 2

When I think of you I feel angry

When I think of you I feel a shadow of an feeling

When I think of you I feel used, old.

You will probably never know how much

You have hurt me over the years

Yet never know how much I could love you

Part of me wants to cause pain

I can’t do that

I hope it is a long time before I look upon your face again

One day we will be able to be a friend to each other.

June 2010